Freedom in the middle of brokenness...

 Yeah I was thinking if I should write, but then I thought why not to talk about the experiences we go through, that's how we can encourage each other not to give up in the middle of struggle.

So not long time ago I prayed and talked to God and asked Him to help me fall in love with Him, but literally fall in love with the butterfly in the stomach and everything, the whole package, and I believe that it is possible to be so madly in love with God. 

 Anyways, since that prayer I entered a season of brokenness and very much a brokenness at the emotional level. And man it hurts, you just feel like every little piece brakes out of you. It is as if you would cut somebody open with no anesthetic. And you might think "Good that you told me, I'll never make that prayer in my whole life."

But wait....my story did not finish here. Yes it is so painful, but I'm also starting to reap the fruits. Have you ever been scared in your life? Do you have fears in your life? Well you are not the only one. I had some, I like to say had, because I want to believe that I am free. These days of brokenness and pain, set me free from fear.

I was afraid of what if my husband dies, or also I had a very big fear of planes, that either one that I am in will crash or one plane will crash in the building I was living in. Or I was afraid at night that what if something hits the earth and I die in agony. Fears after fears, from the most weird ones to actually quite normal ones.

But let me tell you something. It's been a very hard emotionally week for me this past week. I mean I had to deal with my fears so much in a sense that I felt the pain as if my husband already died. Agony, tears, brokenness. But you know what? I know that this season is not yet finished for me, but for the first time in my life I felt so free. I'm not scared anymore. Through all this breaking I got to trust God 100% completely. I do not hold the day of tomorrow, not even the next second. I don't know if a plane will ever crash with me, or if my husband will die now, or if something will hit the earth, I have no control over such things. But I look at the day of tomorrow and I laugh, I am not scared anymore. I can finally breath. All I know it is that God is in control, that if any of this things will ever happen, God will give me the strength to go through,  and I know that He will never leave me. I trust him completely. And man it is worth it all this pain.

The other evening I came back home from work and as I was walking, it was dark, the sky looked so beautiful, and suddenly a loud noise, it was a military plane I think. Normally my heart would stop for a second, but not anymore. I stopped in the middle of the road and I looked up at it, beautiful. No more fear.

I have to go through all this, I believe because I have to break from anything that holds me, to be able to surrender it all to Him, in order to fall totally, completely,  madly in love with HIM, my God, my Lord, my Savior, my friend, my everything. 

Is God Your everything? Would He be enough for you? If you would be to loose everything you hold dear, everything you have, would you still love Him? would you still trust Him?

This past week and so, God became my everything. Up to now God was my everything, but only next to having my husband next to me, having health, and all the good things He gave me in the first place. But now God is truly, completely, my everything. And  I am not yet where I am suppose to be as a person, but right now at this moment, I believe  I am where I am suppose to be.

I am learning so many things....some painful, some hard, some even look impossible. I know that I'm still on the journey, but I will be on the journey as long as I will be on this earth.


If you find yourself in a season of brokenness right now, don't be discouraged, GOD always brings out beautiful things.


I know that we are all a precious diamond to GOD, but right now, for me, it's a time when HE becomes my most precious diamond.


Be blessed


A.W.